I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize