Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
