Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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