i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
