Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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