so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
