an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
