3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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