UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
