How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The power of my boobs compel you
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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