so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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