yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
