sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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