he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
