this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
