How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
