You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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