Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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