We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
