this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
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