if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
