The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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