im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
