I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
