The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
