do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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