Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
