Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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