Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
