I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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