forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
