he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sext me about skeletons
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
