don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
