how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
