she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
