Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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