True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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