Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
