porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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