I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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