I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
