Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize