did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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