I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
