At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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