You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im holly from the hills drunk
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
