I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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