Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize