Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
