Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
