My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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