I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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