Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
