you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
