Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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