You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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