No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
