I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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