If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
