Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
