College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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