You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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