so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize