do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
