i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
