but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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