i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
