I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
