Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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