If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
