I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
