I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize