im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize