Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
