Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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