Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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